October 2012
1 post
Bubble bath?
U: “hello, my notebook does not work anymore”
A: “Well, bring it to me, we will have a look”
U: “Here we are. I’ve done nothing” (Why do we not wonder about this phrase…?)
A. “I see. Let’s check power etc.” After plugging in, a fine smell fills the room…
A: “What the hell - BUBBLE BATH????”
July 2012
1 post
What does that mean...?
U: When can I have my computer back?
SA: The machine is at service and will be returned within 2 days.
U: What does that mean?
SA: So. What do you want to hear now…?
April 2012
3 posts
Hopefully your user's passwords are not in the... →
Webmaster from Hell
I don’t code— I’m the Webmaster! I have students for that!
-an ex-“Webmaster”
March 2012
6 posts
Keyboard from Hell
I once worked with a user whose lunch habits consisted of buying a to-go meal from the nearby cafeteria each day, eating her lunch at her desk, and letting the food crumbs and waste fall onto the keyboard. We’re talking, mac-n-cheese that would fall, hit the keyboard, and not be cleaned up- leaving dried-up cheese sauce all over the keys. Touching her keyboard was not an option.
The...
“Which part of “This is prohibited by law.” did you not understand?”
– Random sysadmin trying to understand why $CEO tries to insist on certain unethical practices.
We don't need no stinkin' subscriptions!
User: I cannot see the appointments of $colleague in my calendar application.
Sysadmin: Are you subscribed to her appointment calendar?
User: No.
Sysadmin: …
“Oh, I am supposed to actually read that dialog?”
– Random user…
I wonder what that “Cancel” button does
If you want to do something and you get a dialog that offers you two buttons with “do it” and ”cancel” then pressing cancel will very likely not do what you want to do.
Just a Fad
Back in 1991 I bought a PC from a guy who did custom builds in his basement. As a freshman in college, I became exposed to the internet and realized that it would be “the future”. When I suggested that my PC builder guy expand his business by becoming an ISP (There were no ISP’s in the region at that time), his response was,
The internet is just a fad! It’s just like CB...
February 2012
3 posts
What's in a name?
clientsfromhell:
Client: Can you update my Adobe?
Me:Sure. Which program are you using?
Client: You need to listen to me when I speak! ADOBE
Me:Yes, I got that part. Adobe is the publisher, they make quite a-
Client: Adobe! I want my Adobe updated. I have no idea what you’re talk about…
Me: Adobe makes lots of programs. Like, you wouldn’t say, “I just updated my Microsoft - “
...
“Not having a SysAdmin is a great way to learn. The main thing you learn is why...”
– Wise words spoken easily by @richquick on Twitter
What have you done?
SysAdmin: What have you done?
User: Nothing…
SysAdmin: Okay. What have you done before you did nothing?
User: uuuuuuuuuuhm…
Thanks to Gerhard for the submission.
October 2011
7 posts
Sysadmin's Protip: Photo Applications
Always ask permission before opening a user’s photo application. If they say “Yeah sure, no problem!” ask for confirmation. You’ll spare your user a lot of embarrassment about their pr0n collection opening up.
“It seems that print-jobs get stuck and cause chaos after some time. Does that...”
– A user describing a problem to their Sysadmin.
“Dear User: When you receive a Test-Email to test your new account which asks you...”
– Sysadmin after discovering she obviously asked impossible things from a user.
“Dear users: “But it’s bitching every now and then” is neither an error...”
– Random Sysadmin after receiving a complaint about a printer.
“Users expect Sysadmins to work 24/7, have no private life whatsoever and also...”
– Sysadmins thoughts when receiving an email to create a new email address on Friday 8PM and getting an urgency email on Saturday 7AM from a customer who does not have any SLA.
“Please, just copy my data including all my important photos to the new laptop.”
– What sounded like simple instructions given by random user before the sysadmin would find out that the “old laptop” had already been freshly formatted by the user himself.
September 2011
5 posts
“No, I am sorry. We cannot support the “web browser” of your old...”
– Random sysadmin when confronted with a prehistoric communications device.
“Party Party Nagios Party o.O”
– Why SysAdmins often are not that relaxed during parties explained by @astera on Twitter.
“Just copy all the programs from my laptop on to my new iPad! Is that so hard?”
– Random user who has a lot to learn about computers.
“I needed a password with eight characters so I picked Snow White and the Seven...”
– Nick Helm via @leyrer on Twitter
Reality
clientsfromhell:
Client: (Calling our computer store for assistance) “I turn on my computer, but all I can see is the green LED on! The screen is still black!” Me: “Your computer is here. You have only the monitor”.
August 2011
5 posts
“See, he is trying himself. Men never believe what a woman says.”
– Sysadmin getting insulted by a female user while trying to comprehend the problem she vaguely described.
Have you tried turning it on?
User: We cannot reach the server.
Sysadmin: Let me have a look. I cannot access the server from here either. Are you online?
User: I don't know.
Sysadmin: Please try to go to a website and tell me if that works.
User: Now we cannot get email as well.
Sysadmin: That is something completely different. For the moment, please answer my question if you can access any websites.
User: No that doesn't work.
Sysadmin: Ok, let's try an IP. Please enter into your browser's address bar.
User: Now I see a site names .
Sysadmin: Ok, great. Seems the internet connection if functioning but somehow the server doesn't respond at all. Have you checked if it is running?
User: Yes, I have checked and it is running.
Sysadmin: Ok, thanks. I'll be at your place in about an hour.
User: Thanks.
--- Later at the customer site:
Sysadmin:
User: Wow, we're already getting emails. How did you fix this so quick?
Sysadmin: Have you tried turning it on?
Ceci n'est pas une pipe. →
“Where do you actually turn this computer on?”
– Random user after working on that iMac for about 2 months.
“No, we don’t want to pay for fixing the problem. Just get us rid of the...”
– Random user feeling annoyed.
July 2011
10 posts
2 tags
Happy System Administrator Appreciation Day! →
Our mail server is broken!
User calls in: Our mail server is broken!
Sysadmin: It looks fine in my monitoring. What is the problem?
User: A customer has been trying to send us an email, but it doesn't come through.
Sysadmin: Do they get an error message?
User: Yes, and every time they try again, they even get the same error message.
Sysadmin: Can you tell me what the error message says?
User: They are getting it, not me.
Sysadmin: I need the contents of the error message to be able to help you. Can you please try to find out?
User: I'll try.
User: They faxed us the error message, shall I read it to you now?
Sysadmin: Yes please! What does it say?
User: …The server replied: No subject given. Please add a meaningful subject to your email!
User: Oh… does that mean they should enter a subject in the email program?
Sysadmin: That is what the error message suggests.
User: Oh, these stupid users cannot even read. I'll call them immediately!
Sysadmin: I'm glad I could help you. Have a nice day!
You can contribute!
Send in your Users from hell stories and photos!
http://usersfromhell.tumblr.com/submit
“Protip: Error messages are meant to be read, not to be trashed immediately!”
– Random Sysadmin
“I should write a script to automatically delete all occurrences of Passwords.doc...”
– Random Sysadmin’s thought after realizing that it might be illegal to simply shoot users who create such files.
“Thank you for turning off the computer while I was remotely working on it to...”
– Random Sysadmin delighted by a user’s dedication to save power.
Reading is a virtue!
Random user is back from holiday and get's a callback from random sysadmin.
Sysadmin: I still have an open ticket from you regarding your access to $service since you've been on holiday.
User: Yes, I need access to $service for the $devices. I need your help to set that up.
Sysadmin: You have received a detailed guide with setup instructions and screenshot about two weeks ago.
User: Oh, but I haven't read that.
Clients From Hell: A couple days after a software... →
clientsfromhell:
A couple days after a software install, a client called and complained that our product was completely broken. He threatened to cancel payments and drop the project. Fuming, he refused anything but on-site support (not part of the contract), and claimed the instructions we left him were useless….
Users need passwords.
Random Sysadmin emails a user guide with detailed instructions, screenshots and requirements to new users to instruct them about a new service in the company.
Random User: Thanks for the user guide. Please send it to my cell phone at .
Random Sysadmin sends the password to the cell phone of the user.
[days pass]
Random User: I'm still waiting for my password.
Random Sysadmin: According to my logs you have received your password on /.
Random User: No, I haven't. Please send it again, this time use this other .
Random Sysadmin sends the password again, to the other cell phone of the user.
Random User: Thanks for sending me my password. I now recall already receiving it last week.
“Can’t you just come by the office and fix our internet connection?...”
– Random Sysadmin getting a panicking emergency call by random user on Saturday night around half past eight.
June 2011
13 posts
Why?
Random User: (Via email) Dear Sysadmin! Thanks for sending me the username and guide. I just need my password.
Random Sysadmin: As described in the email, you should have received your password via SMS to your mobile phone.
Random User: Oh yes, but I have deleted that SMS.
The network is down
Random User: We just connected this new device to the network and now nothing is working.
Random Sysadmin: So then disconnect it again.
Random User: But we want to use it.
Random Sysadmin: Well, if you want to use your network, you need to disconnect the offending device.
Random User: Ok
Random Sysadmin: So you have disconnected the device, so I can login remotely to diagnose what is happening?
Random User: Yes.
Random Sysadmin: (Trying to SSH into the server) The server isn't responding. Did you really disconnect that device?
Random User: No.
Random Sysadmin: Then why did you say yes you did when I asked you the moment before?
Random User: Shall I disconnect it?
Random Sysadmin: Yes, please disconnect it now.
Random User: Ok
Random Sysadmin: (SSHs into the server) Ah, now it's working.
Random User: No it's not working. The network is down again.
Random Sysadmin: (the network stalls) Did you just reconnect the device?
Random User: Yes, you said it was working now, but it's not.
Random Sysadmin: I meant that my connection was working. Please disconnect the device again, so I can prepare some tests to see why your device affects your network.
Random User: Can't you just do that now? You don't need the network to setup something on the server!
Random Sysadmin: How do you expect me to remotely connect to the server from kilometers away without a network?
Random User: Well, use the internet!
“OH: “Pastebin is the new Full Disclosure…”
– Jake Appelbaum posted this overheard sentence on Twitter
“If you want me to help you, you need to help me by listening and answering my...”
– Random Sysadmin almost giving up on a panicking user without a backup who just won’t listen.
“Don’t send emails to your sysadmin that look like an inquiry if they are...”
– Random Sysadmin after receiving an email complaint.
“Dear Servers, I am getting on a plane now so go ahead and crash.”
– Paul Ford via Twitter.
Confidentiality
On the phone…
Random User: My login is my surname in lowercase is that correct?
Random Sysadmin: Yes, that is correct.
Random User: And my password is .
Random Sysadmin: Please never spell out your personal password aloud! Other people will overhear it.
Random User: But I am alone her. (people chatting in the back, phonecalls taking place…)
Random Sysadmin: Despite the fact that I can hear other people in your room from across the phone… _I_ might not be alone.
Random User: Uhm…
