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Users from hell

The real life sufferings of systems administrators…
May 28 '13

wireless mouse

U: My admin, my admin - strange things are going on!

A: Calm down, what’s the trouble?

U: Mousecursor is going crazy - it goes from left to right instead otherwise and so it does up and down…

A: Why don’t you simply turn your mouse upright again…?

Oct 3 '12

Bubble bath?

U: “hello, my notebook does not work anymore”

A: “Well, bring it to me, we will have a look”

U: “Here we are. I’ve done nothing” (Why do we not wonder about this phrase…?)

A. “I see. Let’s check power etc.” After plugging in, a fine smell fills the room…

A: “What the hell - BUBBLE BATH????”

Jul 6 '12

What does that mean…?

U: When can I have my computer back?

SA: The machine is at service and will be returned within 2 days.

U: What does that mean?

SA: So. What do you want to hear now…?

Apr 13 '12
Apr 12 '12

Webmaster from Hell

I don’t code— I’m the Webmaster! I have students for that!

-an ex-“Webmaster”

Apr 11 '12
Clippy, the bash assistant. Oh No, He’s Back!
Via @climagic on Twitter.

Clippy, the bash assistant. Oh No, He’s Back!
Via @climagic on Twitter.

Mar 28 '12

Keyboard from Hell

I once worked with a user whose lunch habits consisted of buying a to-go meal from the nearby cafeteria each day, eating her lunch at her desk, and letting the food crumbs and waste fall onto the keyboard. We’re talking, mac-n-cheese that would fall, hit the keyboard, and not be cleaned up- leaving dried-up cheese sauce all over the keys. Touching her keyboard was not an option.

The solution? When I had to work on her computer, I brought an extra USB keyboard. Sadly, I was instructed to do this only when she wasn’t around, so, for all I know, she never got the hint, and is probably still doing it today.

Mar 27 '12
"Which part of “This is prohibited by law.” did you not understand?"
Random sysadmin trying to understand why $CEO tries to insist on certain unethical practices.
Mar 26 '12

We don't need no stinkin' subscriptions!

  • User: I cannot see the appointments of $colleague in my calendar application.
  • Sysadmin: Are you subscribed to her appointment calendar?
  • User: No.
  • Sysadmin:
Mar 25 '12
"Oh, I am supposed to actually read that dialog?"
Random user…
Mar 24 '12

I wonder what that “Cancel” button does

If you want to do something and you get a dialog that offers you two buttons with “do it” and ”cancel” then pressing cancel will very likely not do what you want to do.

Mar 23 '12

Just a Fad

Back in 1991 I bought a PC from a guy who did custom builds in his basement. As a freshman in college, I became exposed to the internet and realized that it would be “the future”. When I suggested that my PC builder guy expand his business by becoming an ISP (There were no ISP’s in the region at that time), his response was,

The internet is just a fad! It’s just like CB radios in the 70’s… everybody thought they were great, but now they’re just gathering dust in their basement!

I assume he’s now gathering dust in his basement. 

Feb 28 '12

What’s in a name?


Client: Can you update my Adobe?

Me:Sure. Which program are you using?

Client: You need to listen to me when I speak! ADOBE

Me:Yes, I got that part. Adobe is the publisher, they make quite a-

Client: Adobe! I want my Adobe updated. I have no idea what you’re talk about…

Me: Adobe makes lots of programs. Like, you wouldn’t say, “I just updated my Microsoft - “

Client:Microsoft isn’t working either. Find a solution for that while you’re at it.

Feb 22 '12
"Not having a SysAdmin is a great way to learn. The main thing you learn is why SysAdmins are so important."
Wise words spoken easily by @richquick on Twitter
Feb 21 '12

What have you done?

  • SysAdmin: What have you done?
  • User: Nothing…
  • SysAdmin: Okay. What have you done before you did nothing?
  • User: uuuuuuuuuuhm…
  • Thanks to Gerhard for the submission.